Welcome to our new “What Would ___ Read?” series, where we channel the minds of public figures, politicians, celebrities, athletes, musicians, thinkers, long-dead heroes, famous fictitious beings, notable animals—perhaps even the occasional curious inanimate object—and with our secret procuring methods, provide you with their personal magazine reading list.

Note: Physical ability/mental capacity to read of whom/what we choose is irrelevant. As is the feasibility of owning a computer/tablet/smartphone.

With Valentine’s Day drawing ever nearer, we’re all curious to know what the winged god of desire, Cupid, is thinking about as he prepares for another annual round of strategic matchmaking.

Open up the app and tap along to see what Cupid is reading this week.

Workout of the Month: Stress RX | Shape | January/February

Cupid anticipates stress, anxiety, and severe wing exhaustion in the days ahead. This promise of 10 minutes to relaxation is most intriguing.

Everything You Ever Wanted to Know About Your... Manhood | GQ | February

Cupid may be millennia old, but perhaps there are some new things about his, erm, bows and arrow that these modern know-it-alls have discovered.

The Dark Side | Bon Appétit | February

Cupid has indulged his chocolate obsession with unadulterated relish for several centuries, after he found his "baby fat" to be a charming distinguishable trait.

The Ex Files | More | February

Cupid likes to learn from his mistakes. Required research: Why did these relationships go wrong?

How I Got Started | Inc. | February

Cupid is considering entrepreneurship. NOkCupid. These tidbits of advice should help him get started. (Plus, the Spanx CEO is pretty smokin'.)

Are You Normal? | Esquire | February

Cupid knows he's not. But wants to take the survey to see just how abnormal an ancient Roman god who flies around shooting people with love arrows—naked—is compared to the rest of humanity.

Data Miner's Guide to Romance | Wired | February

Cupid needs to educate himself on the revolution of digital dating that threatens to put him out of a job.

Love Me Tinder | GQ | February

Great Deer Stories | FIeld & Stream | February

Cupid is considering using his archery skills for other means. Perhaps these hunting stories will persuade him.